I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
