He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
