a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
