Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
