Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
