pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
