i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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