Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
