Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
