You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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