I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am never drinking with the goths again.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
