I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
