i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
