I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
