What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
