I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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