I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
