A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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