Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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