i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
