I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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