I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I need a burrito and a hug.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
