At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
