so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize