I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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