I met the friendliest cop last night
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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