he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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