i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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