Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
