woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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