Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
