worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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