I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
