I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
