sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
