dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize