Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
