Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
