I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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