you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
