four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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