we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
