I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
