Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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