Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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