Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize
