dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
