There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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