Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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