then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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