He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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