if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
