ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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