it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
