I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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