Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
