so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
