Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
