the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize