My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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