2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
