I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
