I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
