Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
