why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
