Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
