worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
