my sisters under your porch take her home
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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