I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
