Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
