I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
