All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
