Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I fill condoms, not promises.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
