woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
