they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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