You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize