By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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