did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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