grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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