So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
