Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
