I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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