you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
