I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
