I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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