if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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