During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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