I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
