My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You ate ashes out of my bong
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
